Belonging is so important in today’s culture which hopefully leads to living a life that matters

We all want to belong to a group, team or job that gives us our identity and value. There is obviously competition for these groups, but the effort and focus are worth it. Every life lesson and challenge will present itself when you are part of that team. Life is hard and getting harder every day and we must understand that setbacks, adversity and perseverance are part of the growth process.

The growth process is not limited to us humans but also carries over to the animal kingdom and reading stories about what an eagle or lobster has to do to grow will help you understand the importance of perseverance and not giving up.

The mental health crisis is real and does not discriminate as elementary students, teachers, coaches and parents are dealing with something in their life that can become crippling at any time. Therefore, belonging to a team or community is essential in my opinion and we need to understand the process around it. The alternative is being alone after school with time on your hand which could lead to depression and low self-esteem.

A sense of belonging is a key factor in your wellbeing and we need this social connection with others in person to experience in real time how to react to the obstacles that we have to overcome. Everybody begins their journey in the family structure and continues into a neighborhood environment and hopefully a community that helps the nurturing process similar to- it takes a village to raise a child atmosphere.

If you believe that belonging embodies the culture that you prescribe for your child or yourself, then we need to identify what needs to be done for this to happen- a game plan so to speak.

As we grow older new options in the belonging field will become available such as fraternities/sororities, debate team, band and many others. The next phase may include a bridge club, country club and Bible Study.

Matter- this is the next step towards growth and fulfillment. You are on the team or part of a group, and we all have a certain genius that is unique to ourselves. My genius was that I was a problem solver and leader who could persevere and not give up. We have to tap into our uniqueness and complement our teammates or other employees. Sometimes that means staying in your lane and not being too prideful or overstepping your boundaries.

There is a great song from the Sound of Music that says a bell is not a bell until you ring it, and a song is not a song until you sing it and love is not love until you give it away. Don’t play small and sometimes you have to show your strengths to matter and be part of something greater than yourself. This is not easy if your ability or experience is less than the others in the group, but courage is necessary and the sooner you realize that the better.

The glass is always half full, and you need that positive outlook and mindset. Do not let someone take away your dignity or hope. The ones who do that are either insecure, miserable or mean spirited and do not want to see someone else succeed.

Let me give you a personal example of something that I had to endure when I was a sophomore in high school in Southern California. My father had success as the Head Coach of Princeton University, and I had success on the basketball court as a point guard on the Princeton High School team. My father accepted the job to become the Head Coach of the Los Angeles Lakers which had two superstars in Jerry West and Elgin Baylor.

I played on the JV team as a sophomore as a small forward which was totally foreign to me after being a point guard my whole life. I was a member of the team, so I belonged and that was the good news. A few weeks into practice I performed a patented move that had been successful my whole life until this day. The coach blew his whistle, and he said, “who do you think you are, Elgin Baylor? “That was something I remember to this day! I was on the team and belonged on the team, but I did not matter in his eyes and in my being.

This was an obstacle that was in the middle of the road, and you have two choices- quit or find a way to work through knowing that this is part of the journey. I do not remember much of that season as I managed to continue with no fond memories and this was followed by my junior year only that was now on the varsity, but was insignificant and did not matter. I did not cry in the crisis at the time, but there is a good ending to this story as I was able to dance in the rain my senior year and nobody including me could see that happening. I mattered my senior year, and we had a great year and I had many basketball scholarships and eventually chose Vanderbilt University which had great academics and a basketball tradition.

The game of life is infinite and we will face trials daily, but we have to focus on living right and overcoming obstacles and your time will come. Belonging is the first step and working hard to belong to some group or team. The best way to do this is to focus on what you have to do to improve your chances and start your journaling to see your progress . Do this daily and be consistent and people will notice your growth and most importantly you will become more confident and welcome the challenges that will come your way.

At this point your next assignment is to matter on your team. The first component is the feeling that you are important, and you can contribute something to the team. What does this team lack? Is that something you can bring to the party? Most coaches or leaders understand intangibles and will recognize someone who brings that every day. Consistency is a skill and we all can do it if we understand its importance.